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Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive- compulsive; please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent; please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities; please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid- delusional; we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic; listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are manic-depressive; it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.